Apr 6, 2025 7 min read Intentional Living

Navigating by Flashlight - Midlifehood Edition | Week 13 Post-layoff

Navigating midlife reinvention with just a flashlight in the dark: Week 13 explores embracing uncertainty while keeping our destination clear despite the path.

Sometimes the path forward isn't clear, but the destination promises beautiful possibilities. This sunset view from our backyard reminds us why we're embracing uncertainty – for the freedom to enjoy more moments like this.

"Be grateful on this raging sea you have a mind to guide you." — Marcus Aurelius

Have you ever found yourself standing in a dark room, unable to see more than a few steps ahead? Imagine someone hands you a weak flashlight. You can now see just enough to take a few cautious steps forward. After those steps, you pause, shine your light around to gather new information, and then decide which way to go next. A few more steps, another pause to reassess, and the process continues.

This metaphor has been in my mind all week as Bryan and I navigate the next phase of our midlifehood reinvention. We have a clear destination in mind—more financial freedom and time to do more in life than work—but the path to get there isn't straight or well-lit. And important to point out, we're not completely in charge of setting the speed at which we travel.

A traditional approach of plan-execute-outcome doesn't work well in this time of significant change and uncertainty. Instead, we're embracing a perpetual loop of execute-adapt, execute-adapt—taking steps with our flashlight toward our destination while remaining flexible about the exact route and timeline.

Like explorers setting out on a voyage, we're not expecting perfectly calm seas and a straight-line journey. Rather, we're trusting in our ability to prepare and adapt when the inevitable storms arise. This week included several pivotal decisions that proved just how valuable this mindset can be.

This Week's Reality Check:

✓ Met with two different realtors and signed with one
✓ Scheduled home staging (Tuesday) and photos (Wednesday) of next week
✓ Arranged appointment to finalize tiny home plans and lot selection
✓ Confirmed temporary housing options if the house sells quickly
✓ Major decluttering and de-personalizing of the house
✓ Decided on an estate sale at the end rather than a garage sale

What We're Actually Doing:

From Plan-Execute-Outcome to Execute-Adapt

Our initial plan for this phase of our transition seemed straightforward: declutter gradually, hold a garage sale, prepare the house for market at our own pace. But as we met with realtors and gained new information about the current market conditions, we quickly realized we needed to adapt.

Both realtors emphasized that there aren't many "good" homes on the market right now in our area, so when one appears, it tends to go quickly. It's also the beginning of peak selling season. The second realtor we met with has a team of eight people working in sync on various aspects of selling homes, with a promise to sell above market average and in fewer than the average days on market (currently around 50 days in our area).

With this new information lighting our path, we decided to sign with the second realtor despite their higher commission rate. We realize that selling a house is one of the largest transactions in life, and we don't want to leave money on the table. Every dollar matters and becomes an investment in our future lifestyle.

This led to a waterfall of adaptations: our timeline sped up dramatically, with home inspection and then staging scheduled for Tuesday, photos on Wednesday and listed on Friday. Our careful, gradual decluttering plan suddenly needed to shift into high gear. Which brings me to our next revelation...

The Shared Flashlight Moment

Wednesday night, after Bryan made us veggie burgers and fries for dinner and talking through our next steps, I had what I can only describe as an "a-ha" moment about decluttering. I realized that my vision of the process looked completely different from Bryan's.

Home office with dual desk setup, personal photos on wall shelves, a vision board with "FREEDOM" visible, and various personal items that will need to be removed for home staging. — My home office before decluttering – filled with personal photos, memorabilia, and the vision board (center) that's guiding my journey even as we prepare to let go of the physical space.

In my mind, decluttering meant painstakingly going through each closet, drawer, and area, picking up every item and asking: "Does it still fit? Do I still like it? Would I still use or wear it?" This approach felt overwhelming given our accelerated timeline.

Bryan, however, described his process as simply "picking out the things I want to keep" and letting the rest go.

It was as if he handed me his flashlight, illuminating the same room from a completely different angle. Suddenly, the overwhelming feeling of the task ahead had more light. The mental shift from "deciding what to discard" to "selecting what to keep" completely changed my outlook on our decluttering sprint.

I took time to simmer in his perspective, amazed at how different I felt just by thinking about the process in that slightly different way. I've been working at such a relentless pace since learning about the layoff that this small shift in thinking provided unexpected relief.

The Explorer's Mindset

Another adaptation this week came with our decision about the garage sale. We realized that with the accelerated timeline for listing the house, trying to organize our own sale would add unnecessary stress and timing challenges with house showings. Instead, we decided to have an estate sale after closing, recognizing that since we'll be living in a tiny home, it doesn't make sense to take our existing furniture with us.

This decision to "start fresh" with furniture and most of our décor draws on our previous experience moving from a house to an apartment in Chicago. We took a similar approach to downsizing then, and it worked far better than trying to stuff larger furniture into a smaller space and feeling like we'd crammed Paul Bunyan's furniture into Barbie's playhouse.

Decluttered home office with minimal personal items, nearly empty wooden cubby shelf, desk with computer monitor, and clean surfaces showing the results of the "keep only what matters" approach. — Bryan's office after decluttering: selecting what to keep rather than deciding what to discard transformed our approach and made an overwhelming task manageable.

This is the explorer's mindset in action—drawing on past experiences to navigate present uncertainty, being willing to let go of things that no longer serve the journey ahead.

Making Peace with Uncertainty

One of the most challenging aspects of this transition is the potential timing gap. The tiny home will take about three months to build, but our house could sell much faster. Or it might take longer than expected. There's simply no way to perfectly align these timelines.

Rather than allowing this uncertainty to paralyze us, we've embraced it. We know where we want to end up—in a more financially flexible position with more freedom and less time devoted to work—but we can't control exactly how quickly we'll get there or the exact path we'll take. The market will determine how quickly our house sells. The tiny home builder's schedule will influence when our new home is ready. These factors are largely out of our hands.

What we can control is our preparation and adaptability. We confirmed with the tiny home community manager that extended temporary housing would be available if needed. We're preparing for multiple scenarios—a fast sale or a longer wait—and trusting in our ability to navigate whatever unfolds. The destination remains clear even when the path and pace are not.

The conversation with the tiny home community manager also led to scheduling an appointment to finalize our home design and lot selection—another few steps forward guided by our flashlight.

Let's Talk:

When have you felt like you were navigating with just a flashlight in the dark? Has someone else ever shown you a completely different perspective that made a challenging task seem more manageable?

What possessions are truly essential to your sense of home? If you were downsizing dramatically, what would be your process for deciding what to keep versus what to let go?

Looking Forward:

Next week brings the home inspection, home staging, professional photos, and our tiny home design meeting. Each of these represents another few steps forward in the dark, guided by our increasingly trusty flashlight.

We'll also be living in our "staged" home for the first time—a strange experience of keeping everything spotless and somewhat impersonal while still trying to live our daily lives. We suspect this will bring its own set of challenges and adaptations.

Until next week, remember that whether you have a clear destination or are still discovering what you truly want, the courage to take a few steps with your flashlight is what matters most. Perfect plans and controlling the pace are less important than the willingness to move forward and adjust as you go. Though paths twist and timelines shift beyond our control, each step still brings new information and possibilities.

Here's to choosing our own path together.

Note: This post is part of our weekly "Reinventing Midlifehood" series, chronicling our journey of intentional living and rediscovering what matters after a midlife career transition. If this post was shared with you, we hope you'll join us as we explore the freedom that comes from choosing your own path rather than following conventional wisdom.